candor (candor) wrote,
candor
candor

I've become so random, that is... that once a week entry thing didn't quite work out I see... for anyone seeking a taste of what I actually do offline in daily life, I've been keeping up almost daily updates, sorta brief even, in the RealTime™ blog (like I needed to start another... but I did so I did and I do use it even if nobody knows about it cuz it new)...

and there's still words happening behind the candoor, the diary I started that drew me away from here several years ago because this was to be a more serious, even mature (me?) or sophisticated or structured or something place and that was to be the free-flow babble place (which it did pretty much become), though the words have slowed there because writing time has been much limited in the last couple of months...

but this place... whether it was to be the shining light of me, autobiographical and seriously together reflections of the person I am or something else, has slept for some time... mostly... maybe that's because I am so far from the person I am (and the tears don't fall the way they used to... and the dreams seem to float high above... and the story of a life doesn't move much anymore when there is nothing but the same things to do every day... and nobody to love... oh, yeah)... I was supposed to face up to being mostly dead and get over it and wake me up inside, remember?...

hmmmm, life is a curious ride (and still a curious smile)...

anyway, for whatever unapparent reason (if there is always a reason after all), I wandered over here (ah, impulse brought me to add a new friend who just started a new journal here after impulse brought me to look past my own blank pages for the first time in weeks cuz maybe I had a little extra time tonight for the first time in weeks) and found myself creating this:


COMBAT CARDS 2.0
watch candor fight
view children
view parent
CREATE YOUR CARD


even though I can't even use it at the moment... numbers games have always grabbed me in my most random moments, after all... and so since I had this card thing to put out here I suppose the words just had to flow around it... and life?... life is so monotonous it is random... or is that so random that it is monotonous?... one or the other, perhaps both, but not neither... I think...

one of these days I'll stop thinking and tell you what I know again... just as soon as I tell me... then maybe I'll stop playing wizard behind the candoor and come out to be me again without any babbling frills or performance art... of course I do love the babble and the art, but that does obscure the enigma I might be if I was me, doesn't it?...

how would you know? (oh, tongue in cheek and tongue sticking out... not to mention the mischievous giggle... I am such a random child even if I am the only one who actually gets it all... peel the onion if you dare and tell the good folk {and credit thieves} at blogmad I've not gotten lost, but just random, for the moment at least... and if you are remotely amused, well, I hope you get closer someday)...

cheer up sleepy Jean... or is that Gene?... oh, stop judging and just join the party... so what if the bodies in orbit don't always turn you on, you don't have to come every time or even rub up against them (and you can ask them not to rub up against you if they invade your space and you don't want them to)... waiting for the right one to come along does not mean you must always be alone... well, not in every way... and Amy, anytime, ok?...

that goes for most of you who've been there before, though granted, not quite all... if only for self-preservation, you see (or if you don't see, don't worry, be happy, even if you don't ask for clarification and sit puzzled with furrowed brow and rack of brain... take heart in the fact that you can still blow your nose (if you can)...

isn't it rich?...

and if only to prove the veracity of the title, this entry was cut short (and off) just now be that uniquely Microsoft malady sometimes called death by browser as every window of the intrepid Internet Explorer just shut down for no apparent reason (I know, my fingers hit the alt f followed by the alt c keys quite randomly because I must have been typing something that somehow got me there, right)... anyway, say goodbye to all the open windows including the friends, wherever I was on that page, and all the links it lead to...

besides ender, I mean...

here are three of them that I recall finding interesting enough to want to save and add to my lists of links somewhere... in case you were keeping score and wanted partial data to skew the results, I mean... yeah... and Toronto too... and don't forget the audiophiles... y'old goat... remotely, remember?...

so anyway, I can barely keep my eyes open most of the time when I get home from working extra hours each week so I'm gonna go nod off in bed now instead of here in the chair... maybe you got something out of this entry and maybe it's nothing to you, but either way it's here, proof that I was, and sending a whole lotta love right to you... yes you, believe it, it'll feel better that way... it's been fun for me, at least... this writing... this life... this writing life... and everything too... well, almost everything... anyway...

nite...
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